the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
