why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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