my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
