I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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