Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
