He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
