didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I can't trust your balls anymore.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
