I need help removing her.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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