Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
