come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
