Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
