literally had 100 drinks last night.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
