She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
