I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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