You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
