The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
