Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
