im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
