Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
