I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
