you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize