i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
How does it feel to date your dad?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
