Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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