come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
