i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
