FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize
