we have officially lost it.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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