so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize