my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
