i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
