why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
