Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
