a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i don't like sucking hair
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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