if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
