your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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