Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
