I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize