I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
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