I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
