i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You made out with two different species that night
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
