I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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