very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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