My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
handjob tips. give me some.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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