My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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