Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
