This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize