so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
