Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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