Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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