i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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