This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
