did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
