have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
