Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
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