He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
