I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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