So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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