Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
