I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
