If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
