is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
