This house was built for laser tag.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
