I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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