porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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