I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
