the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
COCAINE IS GR8
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
