His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's blow job season.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize