My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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