First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
meet me or not, i'm out of control
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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