you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
