It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
cat food counts as protein by the way
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
