I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
