how can u be prego again
look no pants
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize