Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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