Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
