oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
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