I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
