Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
