Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
