I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
