I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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