well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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