and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
