My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize