I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize