so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You made out with two different species that night
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
