you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
