I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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