Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
