she was so not down for the gang bang
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
