You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
