i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize