apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
