I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
