Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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