you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
