her vagine was all disorganized.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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