What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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