D3 body, D1 cock
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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