Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
