do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
