So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
