So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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