Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
