are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
