Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
