will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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