Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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