I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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