I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
