Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize