i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
our cab driver is having phone sex.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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